This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.